My Favourite Royal Movies

All of this hulabaloo about the newest member of the royal family in Britain has got me thinking about the princess movies out there. Most of them are wretched. I can’t handle most of the original Disney movies with their simpering brain dead leads and sweet as sugar screen plays. Bletch, spare me. Still, I wasn’t, and I am not, 100% immune to the royal fan girl phenomenon so I thought I would talk about my top three favourite movies centered on crowned heads.

First and forever foremost, The Princess Bride. Oh André the Giant you left us too soon. This movie was a perfect storm of witty writing (the book is also by William Goldman and also fantastically fun), great on screen chemistry, perfect one liners and a perfect supporting cast. I don’t want to hear your quibbles about how wooden Robin Wright is or how there is just not enough Wallace Shawn’s Vizzini. It is my go to movie for all occasions. My version of chicken soup and no one will ever convince me it is not perfect.

My guilty pleasure in this category is Princess Diaries. This is where I bet I lose people but I will stand by it. Yes, it is silly and teen angsty (is angsty a word? If not it should be.) but it has a few things I think hold it up. One, it has Anne Hathaway doing her absolute best to channel Lucille Ball . Blasphemy I hear some of you purists saying! But if you ask me Anne can take a tumble and do physical comedy with the best. She is glamorous and statuesque but not afraid to take one for the team. That is why she reminds me of Lucy and what I saw in this movie. Second, this movie series has Julie Andrews as a queen. If that isn’t type casting I don’t know what is. Third, I admit I love the sound track. Yes, I know, campy campy campy, but it is toe tapping.

My last entry in this genre is Tangled. I suppose it is only fitting that an animated Disney movie made it somewhere here but you have to admit that this is a far cry from Sleeping Beauty. Here is a princess movie where, despite being a shut in…like every other classic animated princess, our protagonist is smart, resourceful and well spoken. She doesn’t giggle and she doesn’t swoon but she also doesn’t have a mile wide chip on her shoulder. She is a perfectly normal girl reacting in perfectly normal ways. Also I love the horse. How could you not love the horse? Oh, and the chameleon! I really need to go re-watch this movie…

There you are. My top three princess movies. As a caveat may I just say that my top three princesses would be a completely different list and yes, Princess Leia Organa would be front and center on that one.

Man of Steel meets Bat of Angst

I admit I was not as huge of a fan of the Christopher Nolan Batman movies as some of my compatriots. I really appreciated Heath Ledger as the Joker but beyond that I was just exhausted by the whole thing. Everyone one was so darn gloomy and depressing. It was like a support group for 90s emo kids. Now I can appreciate darkness. My favourite all time genre is post apocalyptic horror. I can get into hopeless and kicking the character when they are down, but this is a super hero movie! From the tone you would think batman was Oliver Twist not Richie Rich. Yes, ok, I know that is the way the comics are trending, but I reserve the right not to like it. Batman in my mind is Adam West, Not Mopey McMoperson.

Then comes along Man of Steel. I am not sure how to feel about this one. I appreciate the attempt to deal with what it would be like to grow up as the freak with the super powers. I also kind of dug the very obvious messiah parallels. We all know Superman is Jesus in spandex, but this is the first time I have seen the theme dealt with in a serious way. In fact I felt that it was so strong that I was pulled right out of the movie when he and Lois kissed. For a former Catholic school kid that was pretty jarring. Over all though, I did like the movie. The fight scenes got a bit repetitive but repetitive awesome is still pretty awesome. It was definitely a dark and gritty reboot though. Not quite as bad as the Dark Knight trilogy but it did leave its sugary past behind.

How then do we reconcile the powers that be announcing at Comic-Con that Superman and Batman will team up in movie? I am afraid that this could signal that the eventual Justice League movies will closer resemble a depression support group then a team of god like super heroes. Will this mean Wonder Woman will be a survivor of conversion therapy? Maybe Aqua Man will have a secret crippling fear of water? Could Flash be running from a secret dark past? I don’t know, I want to be excited by this idea by I am just getting a bad feeling about this.

The world is dark enough, I am not sure I need it in my super heroes as well.